Monthly Archives: August 2013

Brave New World

So, we’ve had a good 9 months to get used to the idea of there being a new little being in our lives. But somehow, it’s still somewhat surreal. How did i get here? Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like Maria and I hadn’t been deliberating over baby-or-no-baby for the last ten years, but since actually commencing…it’s weird.

The first 3 to 5 months we spent in secrecy — it’s never good to tempt fate — and with my age, I figured I’d better just keep my lips zipped. Add fibroids, spotting and whatever else came up with the multitude of testing, prodding, scanning, inserting, poking, etc. and I wasn’t about to make any happy announcements.

After I started to really show, I spent a good 2 months doing double takes in full-length mirrors and store windows, and making random, hushed proclamations, “Maria, I’m pregnant.” To which she would answer in astonishment, “Oh my god, I know!”

And in the last couple of months, I’ve just been reconciling myself with the limitations of a body gone absolutely nuts. Bend down? i don’t think so. Get up? Um, yeah, can you roll/push/pull me? Maria says she now understands why ladybugs are called ladybugs. I said it’s because they’re pretty. She says it’s because they have a hard time righting themselves if they’ve been flipped over. And that’s what I look like when I am attempting to get out of bed, out of a chair, up from the sofa, off the floor. Thanks, honey.

I’ve also been a complete freak about ingredients in every product and furnishing. On a recent cover of National Geographic, there’s a baby with the bold headline, “This baby will live to be 120.” Yeah, I’m going for that.

So here we are…it’s the Thursday before the Friday in which Alice’s insides are turned inside out to produce a new being, who Maria and I shall take care of (ummm, I guess forever) and who we shall name Vivienne. By this time tomorrow, we will hopefully be parents. In keeping with my character, of course, I am not about to tempt fate by making any happy proclamations until I have the evidence of a living, breathing, crying baby in my arms.

I’ll update and provide evidence soon.